May 24th, 2017
Dear Peggy, Natalie, Maggie, Joe and Danny,
We have a lot to celebrate today!
I use the word we deliberately, because a wedding anniversary isn’t just about Mom and me, but all of us as a family. Our marriage wouldn’t be the same without each one of you. And the utter improbability of each of your lives is only compounded by the utter improbability of our meeting.
You know that we met at Indiana University. I was in a fraternity house that held a wedding party with a sorority. The idea behind the party was to identify a young lady we would like to “marry”, getting to know them over the course of the evening.
A friend, Andy Wittgen, and I decided we may need some liquid courage, so we decided to wait in the singles lounge for the first round of “divorcees.” Suddenly, my friend said, “There’s one for you Kelly - tall, blonde and beautiful. I dare you to go over there and say, ‘You are so beautiful, I have to marry you!’”
With that challenge and temporary bit of bravado, our relationship began.
Your Mom was and continues to be the sweetest person I have ever known. Even as awestruck kids, I knew she would someday be a great mom. She is fun and funny, bright and beautiful. Her laugh makes you laugh. She is selfless to a fault, giving each of you the gift of life and much more. She continues to inspire me to be a better person, and I hope you treasure her as I do.
You have probably heard the phrase that friends are the family you choose. Well, we are the family God chose for you, and that isn’t an accident. God put each one of us together in this family to learn how to love one another as he loved us.
Family is the crucible where we learn patience, forgiveness, solidarity – what love really looks like. Love is less about the giddy infatuation we initially feel, and more about consistently elevating the well-being of another beyond our self-centeredness.
It’s not easy. Living with anyone that long exposes your faults and theirs. Loving a stranger is far easier than loving the one who knows how to push your buttons. Yet family is designed to be the core of where we will be sanctified, learning to live and love as the saints we are called to be. None of us is perfect – we all have our moments where we need the courage to forgive and the humility to ask for forgiveness.
But God also designed family to be where we can be vulnerable and let our guard down, where we won’t be judged and will have each other’s back, where we nurture and are nurtured.
That said, know that marriage is a sacrifice. If you aren’t ready to give up fully half of your wants in life, you are really not ready to be married. Let me take that back – I don’t know that any of us is fully ready to do that. But if you enter with a sacrificial mindset, you can better take advantage of the graces God wants to provide you to live married life well.
So pray for a sacrificial heart – you’ll need it. And pray for a forgiving heart. You'll need that too. And pray for a loving heart. For a loving heart is a sacrificial and forgiving heart. You can start practicing now, within our family, for your future spouse.
In doing so we mirror God's heart, for God is love. This is how we participate in God’s divine nature – how we put into practice his call to love one another as he loves us. It is how we reflect the light of his love out into the world. It’s no accident that the two sacraments of the Church we encounter most are centered on sacrifice (Eucharist) and forgiveness (Reconciliation).
Your Mom is still tall, blonde and beautiful, and I still occasionally summon up a bit of bravado. And I hope you see that through our flaws, by God’s grace, we have put in the hard work sacrificing and forgiving to build a loving marriage of twenty years.
We are grateful beyond words that he sent each one of you to uniquely enliven and enrich that marriage and our family. And while Mom and I are your biggest fans here on earth, that pales in comparison to God’s love for you. May God continue to bless each one of you, our family, and our marriage.
Love Always,
Dad